This drunk gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork.
About two hours,” says the conductor.
“OK,” says the drunk “then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?”
The irate driver says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours.
Why’d you think there’d be a difference?”
…
..
.
“Well,” says the drunk, “It’s only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it’s a long time between New Year and Christmas!”
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One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party.
His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn’t mention the incident to her.
Later in the evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he noticed a stiletto-heeled shoe half-hidden under the passenger seat. Gripped with terror, he took advantage of a moment when she wasn’t looking to grab the shoe and throw it out of the window.
The rest of the journey went well until they arrived at the restaurant.
….
..
.
“That’s strange,” said his wife, looking a little agitated. “Have you seen my other shoe?”
=======
Two elderly ladies were discussing their husbands over tea…
One of the old ladies said, “I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous…”
The other old woman replied, “My Billy used to do the same thing, but I broke him of the habit.”
“How?” asked the first old lady, rather curious, “I`ve been trying everything and I`ve even consulted our family doctor, but to no avail. What did you do???”
…
..
.
The other lady replied, “I *hid* his teeth!!” 🙂
