A man from Newfoundland went into the fish market to apply for a job.
The boss thought to himself, “I’m not hiring that lazy newf”, so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions and he’d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
Newfie says, “Dat’s easy” and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, “What in the world is that?”
Newfie says, “Tree ‘n tree ‘n tree makes nine.”
“Fair enough” says the boss.
“Second question, same rules, but represent 99”.
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
“Der ya go bye,” he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
Newfie answers, “Each tree is dirty now, so it’s dirty tree ‘n dirty tree ‘n dirty tree – dat 99.”
The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire the newf so he says, “All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100.”
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, “I got it!” He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Der ya go sir -100.”
The boss looks at Newfie’s attempt and thinks, “Ha! got him this time.”
He then tells Newfie, “Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100.”
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, “A little dog comes along and craps near the base of each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, and dirty tree an’ a turd, which makes 100.
When do I start me job?”
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A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough zoo.
While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age.
The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy.
The elephant stamped its foot 9 times.
“Is that right?” he asked the boy. “Oh yes”, said the boy.
The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.
Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age.
The Newfie accepted the wager.
The elephant looked very closely at the skeptic, then turned around, raised his tail and broke wind like you wouldn’t believe. Then he turned back around and stomped his foot twice.
The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried,
“Lard tunderin’ Jaysus b’y, he’s right!!!! I’m farty-two!”